Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
