Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
