Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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