I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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