New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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