I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize