I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
