went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
If its not for food we ain't going out.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
