I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
