I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
