First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
