You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
So apparently I’m into choking now
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