Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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