Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
