I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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