You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
