you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
