Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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