I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
