I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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