I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
