I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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