i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
