Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
