can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Are we still banned from the library?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My penis needs a shock collar
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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