i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
