I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
