Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
