do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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