She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
