You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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