every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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