i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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