Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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