I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My balls are so social today.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
