its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
this is an emotional support booty call
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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