Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
