No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
