Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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