So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
