Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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