she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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