I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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