Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
