I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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