Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
