and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
