Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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