whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize