I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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