I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
