Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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