jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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