alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
