As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
