You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
