Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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