Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
