Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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