i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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