THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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