Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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