I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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