if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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