I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
