I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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