cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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