hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize